Do you ever have a flood of emotions and thoughts and no patience to actually put them into words or express them coherently? That's my life right now.
When I'm depressed I don't want to talk about it because it's overwhelming, and when I'm manic I don't want to talk about it because I feel better. And when I'm tired, I can't think. And 90% of the time I really don't have the actual words to say in my repitoire.
How is it that I'm stuck at the same emotional level as a 5 year old?
Well, at least you recognize exactly what level you're stuck at! Most of us refuse to acknowledge when we're acting like 5-year-olds, even when we regularly do. For those of us who struggle with bi-polar, it's a discipline, like exercising or reading our scriptures or saying no to brownies. We have to discipline ourselves to process when we can and place things on the shelf when we can't and to swim in a soup of faith and hope, not degradation. You develop your words during the good times and use them like a mantra during your bad times. You open yourself to a feeling of being loved and lovable by Father and Mother (that's hope - it's all about love, dear.) You don't need the words. You need the love.
ReplyDeleteWords are overrated!! Call me sometime. We can have long pauses where we struggle to express how we feel. I love you sister!
ReplyDeleteWhen I am not feeling tops I find myself slipping into hermit mode and I have serious fantasies of going to sleep on my nice comfy bed. To the point of falling asleep right there as I think of it. I don't always like to talk about my feelings. I push through and try to lose myself. Or I sleep. That always works too!
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